I found all of this deeply relatable Hattie - "the most difficult fun", that's it exactly. Just wanted to share a quote with you from Annie Dillard, which has helped me reframe things on the "this is absolute dog shit, what am I doing?" days:
“Putting a book together is interesting and exhilarating. It is sufficiently difficult and complex and it engages all your intelligence. It is life at its most free. Your freedom as a writer is not freedom of expression in the sense of wild blurting; you may not let it rip. It is life at its most free, if you are fortunate enough to be able to try it, because you select your materials, invent your task, and pace yourself.”
So, in other words, it's supposed to be hard!! Sometimes just telling myself that on the trickier days can help. And deep down, like you, I do love every moment of it. Thank you for this post ❤️
I've often wondered, does the book, once completed, ever satisfy the author? Is any artist ever satisfied with the result? Did Michelangelo look up at the Sistene Chapel ceiling and ever say, "It's perfect!" A book is equally complicated. A word change here, change of a paragraph, even with microscopic editing can the author ever make peace with herself?
"It’s something to do with the scale of it, the 80,000 words or so of it. It’s trying to keep the whole big thing in your mind, while zooming in and resolving small problems over here in Chapter Seven, and at the same time vaguely remembering a related thing in Chapter Four, which you definitely need to look at again now that you’ve made that change in Chapter Seven. Then you remember that at some point you need to look again at the titles of the chapters, which you wrote almost a year ago before there was any book, and you need to make a note to ask this person about that thing, and actually if you’re honest with yourself, Chapter Eight is just a bad idea."
This just made me laugh out loud. In Costa...I got looks.
UGH. I relate to this right down to my core. I'm currently about 85% done with a non-fiction book, and I nodded to myself as I read your description of having to hold in your mind the entire book as well as the choices you are making within a small section of a chapter. I have reorganized the order of my book twice, and I am happy with that decision, but suddenly upending the book and having to do that was SO HARD. Sometimes I just need a little tantrum on the floor before I go on.
Love this Hattie and it definitely resonates. The ricocheting - yes, from ridiculous hubris to I can't do this, I can't write, who do I think I am etc. I'm only on draft zero so nowhere near the keeping the whole thing in mind while thinking about Chapter 7 and wondering if chapter 8 should be ditched anyway, but I remember those well! And yes, with the pain (agony at times) and bloody hard, hard work, the joy too. Thank you!
I was complaining to my writing partner about how writing a book is a series of thoughts and solving problems you never thought you would have to solve – like one character's entire emotional arc over 80K words but also knowing what flowers are growing in the pot in the corner of their house haha
Oct 8, 2023·edited Oct 8, 2023Liked by Hattie Crisell
"The most difficult fun of my life" - perfectly put. I'm in the middle of a writing retreat/self-isolation to get my first novel finished - or at least to the point where I can start sharing it with writer friends for feedback. (I don't have a deal or anything yet,. but have 2 agents who have asked to read it which is a good start.) I have rarely felt so seen! Thank you. The Ricochet Rollercoaster from "this could be great!" to "this is undoubtedly the worst thing anyone has ever written!" is so deranged and exhausting, and I find keeping myself motivated is the hardest part. If anyone needs further reassurance before Hattie's book comes out, I strongly recommend Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott, which I keep with me at all times to help me push through the madness.
I feel like you need Interstellar era Matthew McConaughey to read this post. "After all this, I was left wondering, did I write the book or did the book write me?"
Oct 6, 2023·edited Oct 6, 2023Liked by Hattie Crisell
I tell my kids that Mummy is so busy because I have a multitude of characters in my head that I have to keep straight. It's exhausting! You are so right about the stretching though - I feel as though the creative part of my brain has expanded since writing a novel, so for that, at least, I am grateful. Surely it's good for us?!!
I know how hard it is to write a book. Sometimes, the motivation fades completely and even to start a sentence is an uphill task. And when you write some paragraphs, you will later come and become dissatisfied with it. I have realised writung a book is a struggle between being self and the outside. And in most cases, I will stick with being self because that's is my natural place of authenticity.
I look forward to reading your book when it comes out! I've been looking for books on writing recently and was both happy and nervous to learn that writing is actually something you can improve (shocking!), just like everything else in life.
Your brain is a Birkin bag darling (only massive)! lovely read
Yours is a Samsonite suitcase, but like from a limited edition designer collaboration xx
☺️
I found all of this deeply relatable Hattie - "the most difficult fun", that's it exactly. Just wanted to share a quote with you from Annie Dillard, which has helped me reframe things on the "this is absolute dog shit, what am I doing?" days:
“Putting a book together is interesting and exhilarating. It is sufficiently difficult and complex and it engages all your intelligence. It is life at its most free. Your freedom as a writer is not freedom of expression in the sense of wild blurting; you may not let it rip. It is life at its most free, if you are fortunate enough to be able to try it, because you select your materials, invent your task, and pace yourself.”
So, in other words, it's supposed to be hard!! Sometimes just telling myself that on the trickier days can help. And deep down, like you, I do love every moment of it. Thank you for this post ❤️
I love this. Thank you!
I may have to steal this quote from Annie Dillard!
I've often wondered, does the book, once completed, ever satisfy the author? Is any artist ever satisfied with the result? Did Michelangelo look up at the Sistene Chapel ceiling and ever say, "It's perfect!" A book is equally complicated. A word change here, change of a paragraph, even with microscopic editing can the author ever make peace with herself?
Probably not!
"It’s something to do with the scale of it, the 80,000 words or so of it. It’s trying to keep the whole big thing in your mind, while zooming in and resolving small problems over here in Chapter Seven, and at the same time vaguely remembering a related thing in Chapter Four, which you definitely need to look at again now that you’ve made that change in Chapter Seven. Then you remember that at some point you need to look again at the titles of the chapters, which you wrote almost a year ago before there was any book, and you need to make a note to ask this person about that thing, and actually if you’re honest with yourself, Chapter Eight is just a bad idea."
This just made me laugh out loud. In Costa...I got looks.
Glad to hear it! And thanks for coming along yesterday.
UGH. I relate to this right down to my core. I'm currently about 85% done with a non-fiction book, and I nodded to myself as I read your description of having to hold in your mind the entire book as well as the choices you are making within a small section of a chapter. I have reorganized the order of my book twice, and I am happy with that decision, but suddenly upending the book and having to do that was SO HARD. Sometimes I just need a little tantrum on the floor before I go on.
WELL DONE for doing that! It's so scary and I'm so glad it helped.
And yes to 'trying to stretch a sandwich bag around a Volvo' Brilliant!
Thanks Gabriella!
You have perfectly described the process!! For me it is illustrating, but it feels exactly the same! Looking forward to this Sunday’s writing hour!
Thanks Ella! Looking forward to seeing you!
Love this Hattie and it definitely resonates. The ricocheting - yes, from ridiculous hubris to I can't do this, I can't write, who do I think I am etc. I'm only on draft zero so nowhere near the keeping the whole thing in mind while thinking about Chapter 7 and wondering if chapter 8 should be ditched anyway, but I remember those well! And yes, with the pain (agony at times) and bloody hard, hard work, the joy too. Thank you!
It's such a relief to know we all feel it! Thanks Gabriella.
I was complaining to my writing partner about how writing a book is a series of thoughts and solving problems you never thought you would have to solve – like one character's entire emotional arc over 80K words but also knowing what flowers are growing in the pot in the corner of their house haha
Yes!! Exactly.
"The most difficult fun of my life" - perfectly put. I'm in the middle of a writing retreat/self-isolation to get my first novel finished - or at least to the point where I can start sharing it with writer friends for feedback. (I don't have a deal or anything yet,. but have 2 agents who have asked to read it which is a good start.) I have rarely felt so seen! Thank you. The Ricochet Rollercoaster from "this could be great!" to "this is undoubtedly the worst thing anyone has ever written!" is so deranged and exhausting, and I find keeping myself motivated is the hardest part. If anyone needs further reassurance before Hattie's book comes out, I strongly recommend Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott, which I keep with me at all times to help me push through the madness.
Agent interest is a brilliant start – and I agree, Bird by Bird is wonderful and very sanity-saving. Keep going!
I feel like you need Interstellar era Matthew McConaughey to read this post. "After all this, I was left wondering, did I write the book or did the book write me?"
Haha!
I tell my kids that Mummy is so busy because I have a multitude of characters in my head that I have to keep straight. It's exhausting! You are so right about the stretching though - I feel as though the creative part of my brain has expanded since writing a novel, so for that, at least, I am grateful. Surely it's good for us?!!
Surely! I hope so anyway...
I know how hard it is to write a book. Sometimes, the motivation fades completely and even to start a sentence is an uphill task. And when you write some paragraphs, you will later come and become dissatisfied with it. I have realised writung a book is a struggle between being self and the outside. And in most cases, I will stick with being self because that's is my natural place of authenticity.
Oh that's interesting – how do you define 'self' versus 'the outside' here?
Self = writing what resonates with my inner life
Outside = doesn't resonate with my innate life
I look forward to reading your book when it comes out! I've been looking for books on writing recently and was both happy and nervous to learn that writing is actually something you can improve (shocking!), just like everything else in life.
Absolutely!
Love the insight, Hattie. Good luck with all the writing and ricocheting from chapter to chapter, word to word. You can do it 🥳
Thanks Nathan :)
The sandwich bag metaphor is so on the nose it caused me physical pain
Haha! Apologies for that.